Funny quotes about men

When your goals are more important than a party, welcome to the 1% club.

Remember that guy that gave up? Well, neither does anybody else.

If things go wrong, don't go with them.

Hard work never killed a man.
- Scottish proverb

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
- George Best

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. - Oscar Wilde
- Oscar Wilde

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealings with men.
- Joseph Conrad

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
- George Carlin

A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.
- Lucille Ball

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
- Rita Rudner

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else. - Mae West
- Mae West

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?
- Oscar Wilde

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
- Rita Rudner

A girl told me that if you talk to a man about himself, he will listen for hours. She said something else but I'd stopped listening.

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the late seventies.
- P. G. Wodehouse

Husbands are like fine wine. They take time to mature. - Letters to Juliet

The way to man’s heart is through an incision.

The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.