Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
- Peter Tosh

You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.
- Harry S. Truman

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
- Paul Fix

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
- Mark Twain

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
- Elbert Hubbard

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
- Barney Stinson

Smile - It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
- Peter Tosh

Money is not everything. There's MasterCard & Visa.
- Harry S. Truman

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
- Emo Phillips

Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts.
-

Everything is going to be okay in the end. If it is not the okay, it is not the end.
- Mark Twain

I've been all over the world and I've never seen a statue of a critic.
- Leonard Berstein

Always look for the fool in the deal. If you don't find one, it's you.
- Mark Cuban

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Al McGuire

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
- Bill Vaughan

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.
- Desmond Morris

Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
- Kyle Chandler

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
- Dave Barry