Groucho Marx quotes

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
- Groucho Marx

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
- Groucho Marx

While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
- Groucho Marx

I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.
- Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
- Groucho Marx

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them well, I have others.
- Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
- Groucho Marx

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
- Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing.
- Groucho Marx

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
- Groucho Marx

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
- Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
- Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
- Groucho Marx

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
- Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
- Groucho Marx

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
- Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
- Groucho Marx

There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
- Groucho Marx

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.
- Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
- Groucho Marx